Morning Fog


Now in my 5th year of teaching full time, I have grown accustomed to the cold. To the runny-ness, the stuffiness, and the fogginess – not to mention the coughy-ness…not to be confused with the equally pertinent coffee-ness.

I give up. I no longer just hate being sick, I loathe it with the white hot loathing a slave has for its master. And with the same degree of complacency of knowing I can’t do a damn thing about it for it is my destiny to serve.

Speaking of serving, I have been awash in testosterone, Italian made, on the home front for years. Even my daughter was a tomboy, sandwiched between two overactive brothers. Even the dog is a tomboy, as dogs tend to be.

It is probably good that I work in a school where almost all of the teachers are female. It gives my life a little balance, and reminds me that there is nothing wrong with girliness. The fact that I am expecting a grand-daughter soon – my daughter’s daughter – fuels that fire.

One thing I have noticed working in a school full of females is that it isn’t at all like working in an office full of them was in the old days. That is a roundabout way of saying how touched I was when one of my fellow teachers brought me homemade chicken soup last week. She knows that when mom gets sick, there’s nobody to take care of her. I immediately started feeling sorry for myself when I realized that nobody does look out for me or take care of me, and I don’t particularly miss that because I thrive on the caring and the looking out for others…but it does feel good to be soothed now and then. Really good. It made me miss my mom, not just in her death, but I miss having had a mom for the 15 years or so before that. The mom that disappeared in herself after her stroke. I miss the mom. I used to know. I miss having had a mom close by all these year. Independence and adulthood and motherhood and self-reliance are awesome sirens, but sometimes I would trade it all to have my mom stroke my hair and give me a hug.

Anyway, the chicken soup was delicious, and I think it did help my cold. I know it soothed my soul.

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Mad Woman

I am feeling a little more sane and a little less overwhelmed than last time even though nothing has changed.
It is now Sunday morning, and judging by the dearth of new entries in my Google Reader, week after week, most people don’t update on Sundays. I am here to change all that. Let me be your go-to-Sunday blog read. At least this week.

Sundays are busy days for me. It starts with the fact that there is football on TV, all day. And my husband has a standing appointment with the couch and the flat screen. All day. And I am expected to provide the meals for this marathon endeavor. Not an overwhelming task, but that is in the background. And then I have lots of lesson planning to do for the week. And homework to coordinate. And tests to correct. And my school website to update with (at the very least) my weekly newsletter. And then I usually have a backload of laundry to attend to. And I try to get a minimal amount of housework done – dusting and vacuuming. I need to get my nails done desperately, and I really really really need to go to the gym. And I probably need to make another trip to the grocery store, and hey, there was that dry cleaning I should have picked up yesterday, but they aren’t open today. Are they? I tried a new place.
I need to monitor what my teenager is doing and make sure that XBOXING is broken up at least occasionally with some studying. I should go to church and I am probably forgetting a few little things on top of that. By my calculations, I have about 9 – 10 hours left before I should be in bed. This is why I usually end up going to bed around 1 or 2 am on Sunday nights/Monday mornings.
While in the midst of vacuuming earlier, I tried to take a break and watch a little of the Mad Men shows that I DVR’d overnight. The DVR in the bedroom wasn’t cooperating, and the one in the Great Room was occupied. See above. I feel like stomping my feet and throwing a tantrum. But since I am an adult, I know that I will be able to postpone that particular form of gratification and watch later. It is one of the perks of being a grown up apparently. That knowledge that good things might indeed actually come to those who wait.

It has been over 7 years since I started blogging over at Diaryland. Much has changed in that time, but what struck me most as I was just now thinking about it, was that back then, I did two things everysingleday. I wrote in my online journal. And I worked out. And I often wrote about those workouts. Or at least that I was doing them, even if I didn’t go into much detail. I find it incredibly sad that two things that were recreational and that exercised my mind, my body and my soul have all but vanished from my life. And so much sadder that a little effort on my part could have easily kept them going. Or at least could have brought them back at some point.
So here we are. Apparently we have finally arrived at that point. With effort.

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