Morning Fog


on January 27, 2011

I know I have written a bit here and there about my mother and her health. But considering that I haven’t written much at all the past year or two, I certainly haven’t documented her decline very well. But it doesn’t matter too much because she is gone.

Wednesday morning January 26th, 4:45 am Los Angeles time, apparently she left this world. I am not sure exactly what preceded that exact moment. She had been in the hospital since Saturday and was virtually brain dead, with less and less activity as the days wore on. At some point my dad signed the papers that indicated to not resuscitate her, and the doctors had told him that the only thing keeping her alive was the machines.

Regardless, she was released finallly.

If anyone reading this has not lost their mother yet, and you will, I can vouch for the fact that it is a gut-wrenching experience, no matter how much you expect it. Horrible no matter how much you might even have longed for it because it would be the best thing.

But just when the drama of her life ends, the drama of her death begins. Meaning that I snapped at my brother twice in 1 day. ONCE was a virtual snap via text message. The other was on the phone with my father and the pastor of their church on speaker phone. OK so I just lost my mother and I can be cut some slack. But usually I am the kind of person who would say that it is a difficult time so I need to be patient. However, I have spent many years being patient with my brother and just walking away from confrontation…especially since confrontation with him always seems to backfire on me and make me look like the bad person. And we all know that I am not the bad person here. Right.

Enoug…what do you think of this, internets?

Choice #1: Funeral director, longtime friend of family, suggests Thursday evening funeral mass with small reception for anyone, with next day burial at cemetery with just family.

Choice #2: Pastor suggests Friday night rosary/viewing, Saturday mass and burial. Not sure at what point the reception.

Choice #3: My brother wants a Saturday night rosary/viewing, Sunday evening funeral mass during the usual 5 pm mass, and then the burial on Monday. Probably also wants receptions after each event.

Which would you choose?


3 responses to “Words

  1. Christina says:

    I am so sorry. Big hugs to you. I have not been there yet and I completely believe you about the impact. The closest I have to refer to is the death last year of my best friend from high school. Option #1 sounds very much like what we decided to do for her (only living relative of hers is her 90 year old dad so we girlfriends took over the arrangements). Option #3 sounds like too much work, especially if there are receptions after – who is doing all these arrangements and, essentially, entertaining/feeding of guests? My personal instinct is to make things as simple as possible for all of you.


  2. kathy says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss Lisele. I’m not looking forward to what’s going to go down with my family when my mother passes. I’m with Nance – Option #1 looks like the best of the three.


  3. cocoabean says:

    I am so sorry… yes, it is traumatic even when you expect it. Personally, I would choose option #1. It is all very hard, and not a thing I would wait on. A longtime family friend would be my choice. I know he would do what is right, and what your parents would want. What does your dad say?

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